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Group Dating: provides social support when individuals are uncomfortable/shy provides a transition to double dates
Individual Dating: playing the field/uncommitted recreational association
Serious/Committed Dating: preference/see one person more than others
Going Steady: exclusive commitment
Consequences of Dating (p112 – 113)
Recreation: dates a time to relax and have fun, personal gratification
Intimacy and Companionship:
o Males: sexual Intimacy
o Females: interpersonal intimacy
o Older people: emotional and sexual outlet
Mate Selection: we date to find someone to marry
Status Attainment: enhance one’s position in society, dating enhances status/prestige of female, shows maturity and desirability
Socialization: learning:
o How to get along with the opposite sex
o How to relate more meaningfully to the opposite sex
o Necessary skills for future long-term relationships
o Gender roles
Problems in Dating
Pressure into sexual relationship
Communication (lack thereof)
Shyness/uncomfortable
Not enough money for dates (males)
Initiation
Fear of being rejected
Appropriate Dating Behavior (Richard Udry): learned from:
• Experience
• Parents’ advice
• Peer’s advice/observation
• Media
Violence:
• Hitting/slapping/punching/kicking/threatening/using a weapon
• Usually no one knows/victim tells no one (in a study, ¼ never told, ¾ told friends)
• Very few told an adult (mother)
• In a study 43% boys and 24% girls were involved in fights
• Sexual Violence
o Date/acquaintance rape: greater now than before (reported)
o 1950s: called it “Male Aggression”
o Lack of communication
o Girls trained to be acquiescent
o When pressured, girls don’t respond definitively
o Boys brought up to believe everything that is not “NO” is “YES”
o Important for each party to be specific
o Sexual advances are usually more than the latter likes/is comfortable with
Breaking Up
Occurs in beginning/end of semester or during vacation
More likely man breaks up with woman
Men fall in love faster than women
Boys are initially more romantic but hide it well
If partner breaks up with you:
• Natural to feel hurt
• Blow to self esteem
• Difficult to realize you’re not with them anymore
• Angry
If you break up with your partner:
• Make sure you mean it/not just a threat
• Partner will feel hurt and angry
• Difficult to maintain friendly relationship shortly after breaking up
• Think it through/clear in own mind
Love: strong, positive attachment
Romantic Love:
Developed over time
Plato (5 century BC):
Heavenly love: spiritual, intellectual feelings, not physical , mind,, soul (platonic)
Common love: physical love (romantic)
Ovid (1st century AD): sensual love – sexual
Not necessarily involving marriage
Purest form of love was sex
Courtly love (12th – 14th century AD)
Captured in a book by priest Andreas Caperlanus (1184 AD)
Ways to acquire love:
Beautiful figure
Ready speech (be able to communicate)
Excellent character
Great wealth
Generosity
Four Stages:
Giving hope
Granting a kiss/first kiss
Enjoying an embrace/hugging/feeling up
Yielding whole person
Rules of Courtly Love
Marriage is no excuse to not love someone else
He who is not jealous cannot love
A true lover does not desire to embrace anyone except his true love
Easy attainment of love has little value, hard attainment makes it a prize
Real jealousy increases love
Thought of love vexes, very little eating or sleeping
Possessed by constant thought of beloved
Can love more than one person, but not at the same time
Conception of love passed outside courts/royalty
Romantic love (17th – 18th century AD): love and marriage became linked
Theories from Social Scientists:
Sigmund Freud: aim – inhibited sex: love developed when sexual needs are not fulfilled/insufficient sex (generally not accepted except by psychoanalysts)
Waller: connection between unfulfilled sex and love, doesn’t explain why you love one person and not another
4 elements for love
Sex: attraction/stir up feelings
Pride: feeling that the person is suitable and parents/friends think the same way
Security: intimacy/directed to whom you feel compatible
Economics: work together as a partner
Berscheid & Walster:
Two Factor Theory of Love:
Arousal
Interpretation
Arousal and fear have the same responses: heart pounding, sweating different interpretations
Dating was more formalized before: guy initiates/asks and pays for dates
Two goals of dating: boys – sexual access, girls – long term partner
Dating is more casual/informalized now: women initiate, pay together, hang out
Wheel of Love (Reiss)
Love is an ongoing process
o Starts off with someone you feel comfortable with/rapport
o Open up/engage in self revelation
o Inter-dependence/bonded/vulnerable
o Meet personality needs
o Feel more comfortable/rapport
Wheel continues to turn (falling in love)
Love at first sight is inaccurate – attraction at first sight is possible
Love is an ongoing process and takes time
As the wheel turns, relationship deepens
People fall out of love, wheel can turn in opposite direction
Falling IN love starts with rapport, falling OUT of love can start anywhere
Sex is embedded within ‘personality needs’
Lust
Solely sexual, whereas love is emotional and patient
Love involves needs of both people
Lust is selfish, uni-directional
Loving relationships are mutually satisfying
Infatuation
Feelings caused by an unattainable object/person
Components of lust: unrequited/uni-directional
Slightly negative connotation
Jealousy
Feeling over potential loss of something important
Afraid of losing love to another person
Friendship
Good love relationships often derive from friendships
Difference between love and friendship is time
Love is friendship+ +: passion
Attachment/link
Good friendships have all the elements leading up to love
Romantic Love Complex: (William Goode)
Overwhelming force when you’re in love
Absorption by emotions and feelings
Infused with feelings of tenderness and idealization
Like being in a bipolar relationship: mood-swings go up, problems go down
Notion of affinity: one and only person for me/had to have happened/destiny/kismet
Egoism of the pair: in the throes of feelings, self-centered view of world
Love can be a bad habit:
Powerful emotion sweeps you into a relationship that may not be necessary
Tend to see good things in partner, undermine bad things in early stages Idealistic
Arranged Marriages
Parents didn’t want love to complicate social status
Many societies have developed a way to control love (exogamy, endogamy)
Child marriages
Chaperones are there to control love
Some boys and girls kept completely separate until engagement, then watched over by chaperones
Folklore of Love
• Soul-mates: not true, can have good relationships with others
• Love at first sight: attraction/infatuation
• Love overcomes all frustrations and challenges: STUPID, do not put love to a test by inventing unnecessary challenges!
• Love conquers all: love is not enough, commitment, inter-personal skills make a good relationship
I'll Try to add a link to download the file
Individual Dating: playing the field/uncommitted recreational association
Serious/Committed Dating: preference/see one person more than others
Going Steady: exclusive commitment
Consequences of Dating (p112 – 113)
Recreation: dates a time to relax and have fun, personal gratification
Intimacy and Companionship:
o Males: sexual Intimacy
o Females: interpersonal intimacy
o Older people: emotional and sexual outlet
Mate Selection: we date to find someone to marry
Status Attainment: enhance one’s position in society, dating enhances status/prestige of female, shows maturity and desirability
Socialization: learning:
o How to get along with the opposite sex
o How to relate more meaningfully to the opposite sex
o Necessary skills for future long-term relationships
o Gender roles
Problems in Dating
Pressure into sexual relationship
Communication (lack thereof)
Shyness/uncomfortable
Not enough money for dates (males)
Initiation
Fear of being rejected
Appropriate Dating Behavior (Richard Udry): learned from:
• Experience
• Parents’ advice
• Peer’s advice/observation
• Media
Violence:
• Hitting/slapping/punching/kicking/threatening/using a weapon
• Usually no one knows/victim tells no one (in a study, ¼ never told, ¾ told friends)
• Very few told an adult (mother)
• In a study 43% boys and 24% girls were involved in fights
• Sexual Violence
o Date/acquaintance rape: greater now than before (reported)
o 1950s: called it “Male Aggression”
o Lack of communication
o Girls trained to be acquiescent
o When pressured, girls don’t respond definitively
o Boys brought up to believe everything that is not “NO” is “YES”
o Important for each party to be specific
o Sexual advances are usually more than the latter likes/is comfortable with
Breaking Up
Occurs in beginning/end of semester or during vacation
More likely man breaks up with woman
Men fall in love faster than women
Boys are initially more romantic but hide it well
If partner breaks up with you:
• Natural to feel hurt
• Blow to self esteem
• Difficult to realize you’re not with them anymore
• Angry
If you break up with your partner:
• Make sure you mean it/not just a threat
• Partner will feel hurt and angry
• Difficult to maintain friendly relationship shortly after breaking up
• Think it through/clear in own mind
Love: strong, positive attachment
Romantic Love:
Developed over time
Plato (5 century BC):
Heavenly love: spiritual, intellectual feelings, not physical , mind,, soul (platonic)
Common love: physical love (romantic)
Ovid (1st century AD): sensual love – sexual
Not necessarily involving marriage
Purest form of love was sex
Courtly love (12th – 14th century AD)
Captured in a book by priest Andreas Caperlanus (1184 AD)
Ways to acquire love:
Beautiful figure
Ready speech (be able to communicate)
Excellent character
Great wealth
Generosity
Four Stages:
Giving hope
Granting a kiss/first kiss
Enjoying an embrace/hugging/feeling up
Yielding whole person
Rules of Courtly Love
Marriage is no excuse to not love someone else
He who is not jealous cannot love
A true lover does not desire to embrace anyone except his true love
Easy attainment of love has little value, hard attainment makes it a prize
Real jealousy increases love
Thought of love vexes, very little eating or sleeping
Possessed by constant thought of beloved
Can love more than one person, but not at the same time
Conception of love passed outside courts/royalty
Romantic love (17th – 18th century AD): love and marriage became linked
Theories from Social Scientists:
Sigmund Freud: aim – inhibited sex: love developed when sexual needs are not fulfilled/insufficient sex (generally not accepted except by psychoanalysts)
Waller: connection between unfulfilled sex and love, doesn’t explain why you love one person and not another
4 elements for love
Sex: attraction/stir up feelings
Pride: feeling that the person is suitable and parents/friends think the same way
Security: intimacy/directed to whom you feel compatible
Economics: work together as a partner
Berscheid & Walster:
Two Factor Theory of Love:
Arousal
Interpretation
Arousal and fear have the same responses: heart pounding, sweating different interpretations
Dating was more formalized before: guy initiates/asks and pays for dates
Two goals of dating: boys – sexual access, girls – long term partner
Dating is more casual/informalized now: women initiate, pay together, hang out
Wheel of Love (Reiss)
Love is an ongoing process
o Starts off with someone you feel comfortable with/rapport
o Open up/engage in self revelation
o Inter-dependence/bonded/vulnerable
o Meet personality needs
o Feel more comfortable/rapport
Wheel continues to turn (falling in love)
Love at first sight is inaccurate – attraction at first sight is possible
Love is an ongoing process and takes time
As the wheel turns, relationship deepens
People fall out of love, wheel can turn in opposite direction
Falling IN love starts with rapport, falling OUT of love can start anywhere
Sex is embedded within ‘personality needs’
Lust
Solely sexual, whereas love is emotional and patient
Love involves needs of both people
Lust is selfish, uni-directional
Loving relationships are mutually satisfying
Infatuation
Feelings caused by an unattainable object/person
Components of lust: unrequited/uni-directional
Slightly negative connotation
Jealousy
Feeling over potential loss of something important
Afraid of losing love to another person
Friendship
Good love relationships often derive from friendships
Difference between love and friendship is time
Love is friendship+ +: passion
Attachment/link
Good friendships have all the elements leading up to love
Romantic Love Complex: (William Goode)
Overwhelming force when you’re in love
Absorption by emotions and feelings
Infused with feelings of tenderness and idealization
Like being in a bipolar relationship: mood-swings go up, problems go down
Notion of affinity: one and only person for me/had to have happened/destiny/kismet
Egoism of the pair: in the throes of feelings, self-centered view of world
Love can be a bad habit:
Powerful emotion sweeps you into a relationship that may not be necessary
Tend to see good things in partner, undermine bad things in early stages Idealistic
Arranged Marriages
Parents didn’t want love to complicate social status
Many societies have developed a way to control love (exogamy, endogamy)
Child marriages
Chaperones are there to control love
Some boys and girls kept completely separate until engagement, then watched over by chaperones
Folklore of Love
• Soul-mates: not true, can have good relationships with others
• Love at first sight: attraction/infatuation
• Love overcomes all frustrations and challenges: STUPID, do not put love to a test by inventing unnecessary challenges!
• Love conquers all: love is not enough, commitment, inter-personal skills make a good relationship
I'll Try to add a link to download the file
