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Honeymoon: The trip you take after you get married
3 types of Honeymoon
Lover’s nest: just the two of them focusing on no one else just the two of them and their needs and interests
Perpetium mobile: The couple travels a lot, so that the couple can do things that they might not be able to do for awhile
Vacation: just to relax, the wedding is over (phew), let’s just relax and take it easy before going back into the real world.
You can think of the Honeymoon as a period in time where you get a break. That period in the beginning of the marriage of incredibly good rapport. Honeymoon period serves as an adjustment period from being single to being married. Any changes that might need to be made can be more easily made now than later. At this point there is an abnormal sensitivity to each other.
Stages of the Honeymoon Period
1) The Happy Honeymoon Stage: Period of unusually good rapport things are going well really into each other enjoying life.
2) Disillusionment and Regret: You will change and grow. Seeing new problems you didn’t see before and possibly regretting the decision that you made
3) Accommodation: When we come to the realization that this relationship requires work. Helps us adjust to the reality rather than the illusions that we had about married life.
A lot of changes in married life.
Developmental Tasks there are certain periods in our development where we are expected to be at certain places at certain times.
1) Realign our loyalties: now that we are married our spouse and children come first.
2) Mutually agreed upon marital and domestic responsibilities: have to make decisions together without coercion
3) Mutually agreed upon arrangement for engaging in their romantic emotional and sexual relationship.
4) Establishing your identity as a couple.
The home becomes the focus of your activities. There becomes a subtle change in your relationship with your friends.
Kinds of marriages and models of family life. John Ganyon & Greenblatt
4 different models of the family
1) Family as a unit of emotional satisfaction: as to what extent the family provides the emotional satisfactions of life. Male chauvinist perspective. Man breed winner woman home maker- to what extent the family provides the man with emotional satisfaction aside from long hard days at work.
2) Family as a unit of political economy: looking at the family as who has the power to allocate the family resources. (Blood and wolf published survey that developed a theory – theory of resource allocation- resource theory of family power) ( Hyman Rotman argued that blood and wolfs resource theory seems to just relate to money- he talked about resource in cultural context- its not just money that’s a resource but other social characteristic) (Casspuetes set up situation actors limited b the social context in which they are supposed to be dealing but within the context they were free to act in anyway they wanted subject to others- cassapuetes model describe marriage there is a social context in which we have to operate and the ways we operate are not preset in advance they depend on our interactions with the other people – more flexible way in looking at married life.)
3) Family as an ongoing system of negotiations
4) Family as a set of interacting systems
Extra marital relationships (swinging)
Basic value differences: through homogeneous and endogamous relationships conflict of basic value differences are reduced.
Martial Role Expectations: Kirkpatrick 1950’s 3 possible roles that women play in marriage. The wife and mother role. companion role, partner role. The mans was fairly consistent.
Kirkpatrick talks about ethical inconsistency, chose a particular role and showed the rights but did not fulfill the obligations
Marital Conflict
1) Intimacy
2) Basic value differences
3) Marital role expectations
4) Try to make the person oval (get them to change who they are and what they do
5)Power struggles and competitions
6)Tremendous Trifles (the little things in themselves insignificant that become more important than they should be because they become on top of other problems)
7) Rescources (money, time, energy, space) who gets them who allocates them
Children
9) In-laws
Forms of conflict in the family (analogy for forms of conflict in war)
Gorilla warfare: comparable to constant little quarrels, nagging, belittling.
Psychological warfare: neurotic illness’ one spouse on business’ the other one doesn’t want them to go
Stand-off attacks: attacks from a distance
Seize - not allowing those things that need to be acquired to be aquired.
Blitz (lighting war fast war) – quick attack that’s sharp or short. In relationship all of the sudden an argument erupts loud screaming argument and then its over.
Productive conflict leaves the relationship longer than is was before. This conflict leaves you to resolve issues. Clarify issues that exist and initiate changes.
Destructive conflict: can’t be resolved
Family violence is not common or rare. It does not occur only among working class people, it occurs at all levels of people.
You can convince yourself that the martial difficulties that you are having is because of your own personal failures and go out and seek personal help.
You can stay together for the children
The most useful thing to do is too deal with the problem
Marital Dissolutions
-different ways that marriages end
1) Divorce
2) Death
3) Annulment: declaration that the marriage never existed legally
4) Separation- Informal and Legal
5) Abandonment
Divorce Rates
Peak in divorce rates- war causes all kinds of domestic problems
Reasons for Divorce Rates
-Societal Factors
-Demographics’
-life course factors
-intergenerational factors (if parents were divorced they are more likely to get divorced)
-age at the time of first marriage (teenagers higher divorce rate than older ages)
-teenage pregnancies
-people who cohabit have a higher divorce rate than people who do
-people who are divorced and remarried have a higher divorce rate than people who are married the first time
-Family process factors
-children seem to have a complicated relationship to divorce rate. Depends on the family and child
-marital problems, different values and different role expectations.
-restrictive nature of marital roles
People with liberal attitudes have a higher divorce rate that those with conservative
People whose parents don’t like their significant other have a higher divorce rate
People who are depressed have a higher divorce rate
Higher divorce rate in families with economic instability
Certain ethnic groups within the Spanish community have higher divorce rates than whites
Consequences of Divorce
-Boys (especially younger) have a more immediate negative response to divorce than girls do. It effects boys peer relations and school work
- When adults get divorced there is an effect upon them
- people who get divorced especially recently often have trouble eating and sleeping
-most divorcee’s tend to neglect themselves
- there is a change in there social interactions with their friends because they feel like a 5th wheel
-loss in sexual relationship
-have difficulty handling the status transformation
-for many there are financial problems
-“feminization of poverty”
Custody
Joint Custody-
Sole Custody
Split Custody –typically occurs when parents don’t live near each other and a child spends substantial time with both parents
Tender years doctrine – children went to mother
Lee Salt was a child psychologist who challenged this idea .. changed to the best interest of the child doctrine.
Remarriage
¾ of men and 2/3 of women remarry
Most remarry 3 years within divorce
Factors that effect remarriage
Men marry more frequently and quicker than women do
Men in higher social classes marry more frequently then women in the higher social classes
Women in the working classes marry more frequently than men in the working classes
People without out children are more likely to remarry
People who are working are more likely to remarry than those who are not working
People in the south of our country are less likely to remarry than north east
-remarriage is an incomplete institution we are not really clear in what all the roles are in remarriage
People who are marriage have a higher satisfaction rate and less mental illness
Getting accustom to step kids – who does what discipline to whom
3 types of Honeymoon
Lover’s nest: just the two of them focusing on no one else just the two of them and their needs and interests
Perpetium mobile: The couple travels a lot, so that the couple can do things that they might not be able to do for awhile
Vacation: just to relax, the wedding is over (phew), let’s just relax and take it easy before going back into the real world.
You can think of the Honeymoon as a period in time where you get a break. That period in the beginning of the marriage of incredibly good rapport. Honeymoon period serves as an adjustment period from being single to being married. Any changes that might need to be made can be more easily made now than later. At this point there is an abnormal sensitivity to each other.
Stages of the Honeymoon Period
1) The Happy Honeymoon Stage: Period of unusually good rapport things are going well really into each other enjoying life.
2) Disillusionment and Regret: You will change and grow. Seeing new problems you didn’t see before and possibly regretting the decision that you made
3) Accommodation: When we come to the realization that this relationship requires work. Helps us adjust to the reality rather than the illusions that we had about married life.
A lot of changes in married life.
Developmental Tasks there are certain periods in our development where we are expected to be at certain places at certain times.
1) Realign our loyalties: now that we are married our spouse and children come first.
2) Mutually agreed upon marital and domestic responsibilities: have to make decisions together without coercion
3) Mutually agreed upon arrangement for engaging in their romantic emotional and sexual relationship.
4) Establishing your identity as a couple.
The home becomes the focus of your activities. There becomes a subtle change in your relationship with your friends.
Kinds of marriages and models of family life. John Ganyon & Greenblatt
4 different models of the family
1) Family as a unit of emotional satisfaction: as to what extent the family provides the emotional satisfactions of life. Male chauvinist perspective. Man breed winner woman home maker- to what extent the family provides the man with emotional satisfaction aside from long hard days at work.
2) Family as a unit of political economy: looking at the family as who has the power to allocate the family resources. (Blood and wolf published survey that developed a theory – theory of resource allocation- resource theory of family power) ( Hyman Rotman argued that blood and wolfs resource theory seems to just relate to money- he talked about resource in cultural context- its not just money that’s a resource but other social characteristic) (Casspuetes set up situation actors limited b the social context in which they are supposed to be dealing but within the context they were free to act in anyway they wanted subject to others- cassapuetes model describe marriage there is a social context in which we have to operate and the ways we operate are not preset in advance they depend on our interactions with the other people – more flexible way in looking at married life.)
3) Family as an ongoing system of negotiations
4) Family as a set of interacting systems
Extra marital relationships (swinging)
Basic value differences: through homogeneous and endogamous relationships conflict of basic value differences are reduced.
Martial Role Expectations: Kirkpatrick 1950’s 3 possible roles that women play in marriage. The wife and mother role. companion role, partner role. The mans was fairly consistent.
Kirkpatrick talks about ethical inconsistency, chose a particular role and showed the rights but did not fulfill the obligations
Marital Conflict
1) Intimacy
2) Basic value differences
3) Marital role expectations
4) Try to make the person oval (get them to change who they are and what they do
5)Power struggles and competitions
6)Tremendous Trifles (the little things in themselves insignificant that become more important than they should be because they become on top of other problems)
7) Rescources (money, time, energy, space) who gets them who allocates them
Children 9) In-laws
Forms of conflict in the family (analogy for forms of conflict in war)
Gorilla warfare: comparable to constant little quarrels, nagging, belittling.
Psychological warfare: neurotic illness’ one spouse on business’ the other one doesn’t want them to go
Stand-off attacks: attacks from a distance
Seize - not allowing those things that need to be acquired to be aquired.
Blitz (lighting war fast war) – quick attack that’s sharp or short. In relationship all of the sudden an argument erupts loud screaming argument and then its over.
Productive conflict leaves the relationship longer than is was before. This conflict leaves you to resolve issues. Clarify issues that exist and initiate changes.
Destructive conflict: can’t be resolved
Family violence is not common or rare. It does not occur only among working class people, it occurs at all levels of people.
You can convince yourself that the martial difficulties that you are having is because of your own personal failures and go out and seek personal help.
You can stay together for the children
The most useful thing to do is too deal with the problem
Marital Dissolutions
-different ways that marriages end
1) Divorce
2) Death
3) Annulment: declaration that the marriage never existed legally
4) Separation- Informal and Legal
5) Abandonment
Divorce Rates
Peak in divorce rates- war causes all kinds of domestic problems
Reasons for Divorce Rates
-Societal Factors
-Demographics’
-life course factors
-intergenerational factors (if parents were divorced they are more likely to get divorced)
-age at the time of first marriage (teenagers higher divorce rate than older ages)
-teenage pregnancies
-people who cohabit have a higher divorce rate than people who do
-people who are divorced and remarried have a higher divorce rate than people who are married the first time
-Family process factors
-children seem to have a complicated relationship to divorce rate. Depends on the family and child
-marital problems, different values and different role expectations.
-restrictive nature of marital roles
People with liberal attitudes have a higher divorce rate that those with conservative
People whose parents don’t like their significant other have a higher divorce rate
People who are depressed have a higher divorce rate
Higher divorce rate in families with economic instability
Certain ethnic groups within the Spanish community have higher divorce rates than whites
Consequences of Divorce
-Boys (especially younger) have a more immediate negative response to divorce than girls do. It effects boys peer relations and school work
- When adults get divorced there is an effect upon them
- people who get divorced especially recently often have trouble eating and sleeping
-most divorcee’s tend to neglect themselves
- there is a change in there social interactions with their friends because they feel like a 5th wheel
-loss in sexual relationship
-have difficulty handling the status transformation
-for many there are financial problems
-“feminization of poverty”
Custody
Joint Custody-
Sole Custody
Split Custody –typically occurs when parents don’t live near each other and a child spends substantial time with both parents
Tender years doctrine – children went to mother
Lee Salt was a child psychologist who challenged this idea .. changed to the best interest of the child doctrine.
Remarriage
¾ of men and 2/3 of women remarry
Most remarry 3 years within divorce
Factors that effect remarriage
Men marry more frequently and quicker than women do
Men in higher social classes marry more frequently then women in the higher social classes
Women in the working classes marry more frequently than men in the working classes
People without out children are more likely to remarry
People who are working are more likely to remarry than those who are not working
People in the south of our country are less likely to remarry than north east
-remarriage is an incomplete institution we are not really clear in what all the roles are in remarriage
People who are marriage have a higher satisfaction rate and less mental illness
Getting accustom to step kids – who does what discipline to whom
