My notes for the 29th

Marital Conflict
- Intimacy
o Swinging
 When couples engage in sexual relationships with other couples
• Consensual

- Basic Value differences
o Kirk Patrick
 He saw in the 1950’s – HE saw that looking into literature there were 3 different roles that women played in marriage
• Wife and Mother role
• The Companion Role
• The Partner Role

- Marital Role Expectancy

- Trying to make spouse over.
o As in change the other person

- Tremendous Trifles
o Those little things that become much more important than they should
 Because they are Continual, or they come on top of something on top of a big problem
- Allocation of Resources – Money, time and space.
- Children
- External Factors
- Guerilla Warfare
- Psychological Warfare
- Siege
o Not allowing resources come in
o Not allowing necessities coming in.
o Withhold the normal response that is expected from you.
- Blitzkrieg
o Lighting attack
o All off a sudden a loud serious argument. It’s quick and over
o Can inflict quite a bit of damage


- Direct Frontal Assault
o Hand to hand combat.
o Up close and very personal
o AKA Domestic violence

Destructor Conflict – Leaves situation Worse than before

Constructor Conflict – Leaves situation better than before

Biggest part of a Conflict is Denial. Denying that there is a problem and refusing to talk about it or deal with it will make it end up worse.
Evaluate the problem to get started to working towards issue
Divorce, Or you can de-prioritize what Marriage is. There are multiple ways to interpret this. Counseling, therapy, Stay drunk.

Marital Dissolution
- Divorce
- Death
- Annulment
- Separation
o Informal
o Legal
- Abandonment
Divorce Rates
- Crude Divorce Rate
o # Divorces / 1000 population
- Refined Divorce Rate
o # Divorces / 1000women 14 – 45
o

Marital conflict:
Intimacy: how frequently and in what way you demonstrate your feelings to one another. Sometimes it can be divisive and a source of conflict. The frequency and manner of expressing sexuality can become a conflict. The most difficult problem in the 60’s was working out a sexual relationship and how to satisfy it.
Extra marital affairs: can be a giant problem. Though sometimes both partners can be okay with that “open marriage” or “swinging”. What’s interesting about it is that it often required the man to persuade the wife to engage in it. Once they engaged in it the women got more out of it than men. It was usually the man to put a stop to the engagement in swinging.
Basic value differences: If you marry a person who is more like you there is less of a chance for this.’
Marital role expectations: Conceptions on what it is a husband or a wife is. And what you expect of your spouse. An example of how this can occur was given by a sociologist name Kirpatrick. In earlier times (1950s) he saw that the role a man played was consistent but there were 3 possible roles a woman could play...
The wife and mother role
The companion role
Partner role
Trying to make the spouse over: you try to change the spouse to fit your criteria. Attempts to change the person can cause conflict to arise.
Power struggles and competition: Social changes can increase competition between a couple. Its like a power struggle.
Tremendous trifles: Little things that become somewhat more important than they should be. Either because they are continual, or because they come on top of something else.
Resources: Money, Time, Energy, and Space.
Children: When to have them. How to raise them. How many to have. Changes the nature of the marital relationship.
External factors:
Natural disasters
In Laws: They tend to over value their child. Many parents have a tendency to continue to treat their child like a child. Particularly Mothers and daughters.
Forms that conflict can take:
Guerilla warfare: small battles, back again, small battle, back again. Constant quarells. They’re not really important but if it continues and multiplies it has a build up effect. Nagging, belittling....that kind of stuff.
Psychological warfare: trying to under mind.
Stand off attacks: attacks from a distance. Flirtations, and infedelities. Are deliberatly done to punish the partner. They want the partner to find out.
Seige: Not allowing things that can normally be aquired to be aquired. With holding the normal responses expected of you. Not having diner waiting, with holding sex.
Blitzkrieg: Lightening war; Fast war. When all of a sudden out of the blue an arguement erupts. A serious screaming arguement.
Direct frontal assualt: Up close and personal. Domestic violence.
Theres such thing a destructive conflict, and destructive conflict. The problem is you dont know when the conflict is occuring which one it is. One that doesn’t resolve issues is destructive, and one that initiates positive change is productive.
Barriers in resolving conflict:
Denying there is a problem
Refusing to talk about it or deal with it
Withdrawing completely or taking a fighting stance
Putting all the blame on the partner
Becoming over emotionally defensive and not sticking to the conflict at hand.
Don’t compete. Fighting is not about winning.
Creating a solution. Solving and immediate problem can create another problem.
Fighting fair:
Pin point what the problem is and come to a conclusion on what its about.
You need to show respect for your partner.
Negotiate some changes that will resolve the problem
You need to at some point evaluate the changed to make sure they are working.

Common myths about family violence:
That its rare: its not rare
It occurs only among working class people. That’s not true.
Women stay in the family because they learn to live with it. To some extent thats true only because sometimes there are no options especially back in the day. Suffolk county was the first county to treat domestic violence as a crime and not a dispute.
Domestic violence is always due to substance abuse. Thats not true either.

What can you do about conflict other than divorce?
Accept the situation and continue on.
You can also accept happiness as a general rule, but not for you.
Remove the importance of marriage out of your life.
Convince yourself that its all your fault and seek professional health.
You can live in a fantasy world created but substance abuse.
You could stay together for the children.
All of these are generally not useful things to due. By doing these things your not dealing with the problem.

Marital Dissolution;
Divorce: Legally ending the marriage.
Death: being dead.
Annulment: Marriage never even happened legally. You can ligitimately answer you were not married legally. Marraiges were generally consemated under false pretenses.
Separation; informal and legal: when two parties agree to separate.
Abandonment: one spouse just leaves without consent.

Crude divorce rate: the number of divorces per one thousand population.
Refined divorce rate: number of divorces per 1000 women age 14-45.

Nice.. Next time make a new Topic . So you can have your seperate thread. Replying is for commenting, and or feedback. To post you own material I suggest making a new topic so that People see the options. This is Fine. I'm Just telling you for the next time you make a post.