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Notes for 4/27/2010
Nature of married life:
Honeymoon is the trip you take after your wedding. Rapport talks about 3 types.
1.Lovers Nest-Just the couple, focusing on only themselves
2.Perpetual mobile- Couple does thing that they may not get to do in the future.
3.Vacation- "thank god the wedding is over" The couple relaxes and takes it easy.
A higher degree of rapport occurs in stages. In the beginning there is an abnormal sensitivity to one another. Eg, your partner gives you a kiss and you say thats not a kiss thats a peck, we are married.
Stage 1- Happy Honeymoon Phase- Things are wonderful, you really enjoy one another.
Stage 2. Disillusionment and regret- Each unique individuals who will change, the other partner may not like this.Routinization of life.
Stage 3. Accommodation-Helps adjust to the reality. Better more realistic view is what marriage entails.
Tasks we are expected to do in a Marriage:
1. Realign our loyalties. Your spouse and children come first, above all else.
2. Mutually agree upon domestic and marital work Work together without coercion.
3. Mutually agreed upon engagement in sexual and emotional relationship.
Three Models of the family
By Soc.'s Gaenont and Greenblat
1. Unit of emotional satisfaction
2. Unit of political economy
3. Ongoing system of negotiations
4.Set of interactional systems
Power of the family is the result of mens power in society. As the balance changes, so does this.
He referenced a film director (I don't know if this was important or not) Cassaveces- He scripted his movies with very loose scripts and lots of freedom . He felt that marriage was a set of ongoing negotiations and is not set and determined. But there are some behavior boundaries
Marital Conflict
- Intimacy
o Swinging
When couples engage in sexual relationships with other couples
• Consensual
- Basic Value differences
o Kirk Patrick
He saw in the 1950’s – HE saw that looking into literature there were 3 different roles that women played in marriage
• Wife and Mother role
• The Companion Role
• The Partner Role
- Marital Role Expectancy
- Trying to make spouse over.
o As in change the other person
Tremendous Trifles
Those little things that become much more important than they should
Because they are Continual, or they come on top of something on top of a big problem
- Allocation of Resources – Money, time and space.
- Children
- External Factors
- Guerilla Warfare
- Psychological Warfare
- Siege
o Not allowing resources come in
o Not allowing necessities coming in.
o Withhold the normal response that is expected from you.
- Blitzkrieg
o Lighting attack
o All off a sudden a loud serious argument. It’s quick and over
o Can inflict quite a bit of damage
- Direct Frontal Assault
o Hand to hand combat.
o Up close and very personal
o AKA Domestic violence
Destructor Conflict – Leaves situation Worse than before
Constructor Conflict – Leaves situation better than before
Biggest part of a Conflict is Denial. Denying that there is a problem and refusing to talk about it or deal with it will make it end up worse.
Evaluate the problem to get started to working towards issue
o
Nature of married life:
Honeymoon is the trip you take after your wedding. Rapport talks about 3 types.
1.Lovers Nest-Just the couple, focusing on only themselves
2.Perpetual mobile- Couple does thing that they may not get to do in the future.
3.Vacation- "thank god the wedding is over" The couple relaxes and takes it easy.
A higher degree of rapport occurs in stages. In the beginning there is an abnormal sensitivity to one another. Eg, your partner gives you a kiss and you say thats not a kiss thats a peck, we are married.
Stage 1- Happy Honeymoon Phase- Things are wonderful, you really enjoy one another.
Stage 2. Disillusionment and regret- Each unique individuals who will change, the other partner may not like this.Routinization of life.
Stage 3. Accommodation-Helps adjust to the reality. Better more realistic view is what marriage entails.
Tasks we are expected to do in a Marriage:
1. Realign our loyalties. Your spouse and children come first, above all else.
2. Mutually agree upon domestic and marital work Work together without coercion.
3. Mutually agreed upon engagement in sexual and emotional relationship.
Three Models of the family
By Soc.'s Gaenont and Greenblat
1. Unit of emotional satisfaction
2. Unit of political economy
3. Ongoing system of negotiations
4.Set of interactional systems
Power of the family is the result of mens power in society. As the balance changes, so does this.
He referenced a film director (I don't know if this was important or not) Cassaveces- He scripted his movies with very loose scripts and lots of freedom . He felt that marriage was a set of ongoing negotiations and is not set and determined. But there are some behavior boundaries
Marital Conflict
- Intimacy
o Swinging
When couples engage in sexual relationships with other couples
• Consensual
- Basic Value differences
o Kirk Patrick
He saw in the 1950’s – HE saw that looking into literature there were 3 different roles that women played in marriage
• Wife and Mother role
• The Companion Role
• The Partner Role
- Marital Role Expectancy
- Trying to make spouse over.
o As in change the other person
Tremendous Trifles
Those little things that become much more important than they should
Because they are Continual, or they come on top of something on top of a big problem
- Allocation of Resources – Money, time and space.
- Children
- External Factors
- Guerilla Warfare
- Psychological Warfare
- Siege
o Not allowing resources come in
o Not allowing necessities coming in.
o Withhold the normal response that is expected from you.
- Blitzkrieg
o Lighting attack
o All off a sudden a loud serious argument. It’s quick and over
o Can inflict quite a bit of damage
- Direct Frontal Assault
o Hand to hand combat.
o Up close and very personal
o AKA Domestic violence
Destructor Conflict – Leaves situation Worse than before
Constructor Conflict – Leaves situation better than before
Biggest part of a Conflict is Denial. Denying that there is a problem and refusing to talk about it or deal with it will make it end up worse.
Evaluate the problem to get started to working towards issue
o
